what is my life right now?

A few days ago I returned from about 12 days of attending conferences in Hungary. First all five of us Americans were in Vajta, Hungary (find that on a map if you can). We saw other STINTers from about seven or eight other locations in our area of affairs, which is Eastern Europe and Russia (also Israel).

We stayed at a really nice place called Calvary Chapel and all of our meetings were in this old restored mansion in the middle of Hungarian countryside. Can I just say it was amazing? One day as about 12 of us American boys were outside playing football, my friend Jonathan said, "It feels like we are all in a really big, rich family and we are just playing some Thanksgiving day football." It was so much fun, and so needed.

I was able to meet with the Lord and gain some clear guidance about where He wants me next year. For a while I have been juggling whether I should stay for another year in Slovakia or return to the states in order to join staff with Campus Crusade. God really answered some of my questions, and more importantly, gave me peace admist my doubts about why He wants me back home next year. So I did decide that I will be joining full-time staff with Crusade next year, which basically means I will start raising support when I get back from Slovakia.

So on to the next conference, our all staff Area of Affairs conference. Once again, I had more time to hang out with new freinds and be encouraged from the Word by speakers and friends. We heard many stories about what God is doing in different countries in this area. It was a huge breath of fresh air to hear that God is moving in visible ways among this culture-type. For example, this past semester 34 Russian students and 100 Ukrainian students accepted Christ. Many times its hard to trust God for what He is doing here in Slovakia given that we have not seen much fruit recently. But I trust that His perfect plan is being played out through me.

It's been kinda hard adjusting back to life in "the real world." I returned to Kosice and realized that I had lost a little bit of my language abilities, and that my attitude toward people around me was one more of judgement than mercy. I realize how easy it is for us, as Christians, to get into our bubble of friends and never want to engage with non-believers; I wouldn't do it if it wasn't my job, simply because it's really hard. It forces me to analyze what I say I believe and actually put it into practice. One thing that the Lord has been teaching me this year is that many times what I say I believe doesn't often line up with what my actions profess. That is sin on my part, and God's mercy on His part.

truth and grace to you,
Matt

slúžit' (to serve)

I was reading in Luke chapter 17 this morning and came across this passage: "He does not thank the slave because he did the things which were commanded, does he? So you too, when you do all the things which are commanded you, say, 'We are unworthy slaves; we have done only that which we ought to have done." This really struck me because in the past few months I think I have become expectant of God. I often times find myself expecting Him to bless me because of what I am doing here. I think I somehow deserve His blessing and good hand upon me. But then God reminds me that I am merely doing what I have been commanded to do as a bondservant of Christ. And the reality is that I should count it a blessing just to be a slave for Christ. So I want to encourage you to rethink the way you view your "work" for the Lord. Are you doing it with a wrongly expectant heart? Because if you are, God is not hesitant to alter your view. Let me encourage you to return to the Lord and thank Him for the privilege it is to serve Him, and to maintain a pure heart admist it all.

some thoughts during the holiday season

This was actually a journal entry I wrote on the 24th of this month, Christmas Eve:

"Well, it's actually going to happen, Christmas in Slovakia. I can't believe this is about to happen. I don't have many other thoughts about it. Rachel did make one good point that being away from home can be good b/c it can force us to really focus on Christ this year and not necessarily our families or friends; just the birth of our Savior Christ.

I was just reading in Luke about the parable of the sower. I started to think about how the sower was obedient to what God wanted him to do, sow the word of God into people's hearts and lives. Most of the times the sower put seed out it got trampled or taken away or choked out. Only 25% of the time did the seed he threw come to bear fruit. But he wasn't worried about all that, he knew what his task was and kept the results truly up to God. We so often talk about how we should leave the results up to God, but many times that is really hard to do.

But a lot of things in life are hard; life is hard. I must press on with faith and ask the Spirit to change me. It is said that successful sharing is sharing Christ by the Holy Spirit and leaving the results up to God. If I look at this definition and measure myself to it I have failed horribly. I often share out of my own strength and then get upset when I dont' see results. How selfish am I really? How selfish do I have to be in order to expect God to bless what I do out of my own power? I've got to be a total idiot.

If God's truth does endure to all generations then I can rejoice that He is working still among all the sin of this generation. It often seems hard to find, though."

I can honestly say this has been my semester; most of the time failing at sharing the gospel with the power of the Spirit. But I'm learning and God is showing me the true meaning and purpose behind sharing my faith.


cheers,
Matt

ps - Christmas in Slovakia was great!

coming to a close

The semester is quickly coming to a close. It's sad yet exciting at the same time. On one hand, I have made it a little over three months. That is surely by the grace of God. On the other, I often feel like we have not accomplished much, and even regret not being able to adjust more quickly. It's really hard to not be critical of myself, but I'm learning how to live in grace. A lot has happened this semester and I have learned many things. Which include, but are not limited to, the following:

- I am WAY too prideful of who I think I am when in reality I'm pretty ignorant
- God is the only one who can initiate and sustain any type of spiritual change in people's lives
- doing ministry overseas, where you know just about nothing, really points out the sin in your life
- there are A LOT of people who have no clue what it means to have faith in Christ...and I mean this pretty much anwhere you go in the world
- I appreciate my family so much more
- ministry is really hard but God has not called me to an easy life; He never asks His followers to do easy things in life. He wants full obedience and trust.

Despite the semester coming to a close, I am looking forward to the four conferences, wedding of Jeremy and Dara, and trip to Rome during the break. Gonna be loads of fun.

Until next time, kids.

starting over

I'm sitting in the hospital hallway listening to some Tifah on my laptop...and thinking about what is going to happen next. So what is God going to do with everything now? Where is He going to lead me...or even better, how is He going to rework everything that I know?

The past few days here have been much better than the first. I actually started to lose some of the bitterness of being here and being in this situation. I started to release some of the resentment and guilt of my inadequacies. It has taken me the whole time here to finally realize why the Lord brought me to this point:

He is starting things over with me.

Or at least that's what I'm hearing from Him. Now, I have to admit I have no clue what that means. Will I finally be disciplined to read the Word every day? Or pray constantly? Maybe not. Maybe it's something deeper. He's bringing me to the point of recognizing exactly why I'm in Slovakia this year...no, why I even follow Him to begin with.

Why do I follow Jesus, anyways? It sure isn't safe. I don't know the plans of my life. My sinful self gets mad when things go bad because I think God is not good. My life is still hard; why is that? I didn't sign up for this. But I think I'm starting to see a light to all my answers.

That same light that I'm looking toward is the same one that gave me life in the first place, and is the same one that is sending me out even now. Now I don't want to get too deep or spiritual on you. In simple terms, I'm learning how to deal with the mess. That's all it really is: finding life in the middle of the mess. Yeah, sure, it's easy to live life when things are good. But life is still messy in the middle of all that. We still deal with our sinful self and are tempted to withold glory from the Lord.

So back to the whole starting over thing. Coming into this year my mind was totally set on what my relationship with Jesus should look like in order for me to be happy this year...and be effective in ministry. But I think that stems from a wrong belief that I have to be something in order for God to use me.

Before you go off thinking that I'm going to talk about how His power is made perfect in weakness, and then lose you, I want to say something. There's something about all this that goes so much deeper. It's my life; it's who I am. It hits you harder when it's your life. Now, don't get me wrong. All the forementioned is good and true. And yes, this is a simple thought, but one that I honestly haven't wrestled with much. So I'm having to learn how to wrestle with it. And in this time, literally.

So maybe all I'm saying is that I'm finally at the point where I can be comfortable with this. It's sad that God had to use extreme measures to get me here, but that's how He deals with things. I don't understand it, but that's kinda beautiful.

Honestly, all this is still jumbled up in my head and not making much sense. But I have to start somewhere with this whole process. It will truly be a miracle if I grasp onto anything that God is teaching me. Please pray that it does.



caught in the middle,
Matt

fall retreat

- some students at the bonfire Saturday night



- our cabin in Rackova Dolina



















Well, it's Monday night and I'm still recovering from our fall retreat this past weekend. Me, Aaron, Kelly, Biba, and Dara went up early on Friday to set up everything...including the sound and all the "ambiance." It was about 3 1/2 hours to Rackova Dolina, a remote little place in the Low Tatras...and very beautiful.

On the way up we started to notice that it was SNOWING! Now you must know that I haven't seen snow in about two years, so I was very excited about this. The closer we got to our destination, the more snow we started seeing. By Saturday morning the ground was covered with snow!

But, to rewind a little and talk about the weekend. The students arrived at about 7pm on Friday night. We all had dinner and then had our first meeting. Greg, a staff member in Budapest, came up to speak at our retreat. It was great to see a new face and get new perspective about things. The weekend's theme was "iskra v tme," which means "a spark in the dark." Our goal for the weekend was to provide a time when Slovak students could realize the fact that we are living in a dark world, and that only Christ can provide life in this dark world. Greg's first talk that night was, naturally, about sin and darkness of life. To me, it was good to hear, but it didn't seem that many of the students were very receptive to the topic. When talking to Stanley, a guy who I'm discipling, about what he thought, he mentioned that his buddy, Peter, has said that it was something he had heard many times in church...and didn't really think much about it. That was kind of discouraging, but forced me to pray for the next meeting.

Later that night I got to talk with Denis, another guy I am discipling this year. He is an awesome guy. He spent the last year in the states working and traveling. It has become much easier for Slovaks to travel to the states...especially since joining the european union. Anyways, we spent some time throwing the pigskin, aka football, and talking about life. I pretty much shared my testimony from the time I started walking with Christ in college until now. It's awesome to see how much my life story compares to his. I told him about my struggles during my senior year, and how God showed me so much grace in those times. He is in a similar position after being in the states for a year and not having much fellowship.

It is my prayer that this year I will be able to pour into him and help him restore fellowship with the Lord. I have been feeling very discouraged by not being able to meet more guys on campus and share my faith with them, so this opportunity to invest in Denis is so promising, and somewhat life-giving, to me. I definately have a passion for discipleship, and really want to use that passion to invest in these Slovak guys' lives.

So Saturday morning we had our second meeting, about "The Light of the World." It was refreshing to hear about Christ's provision and the hope He gives. I also heard good feedback from students about the message...a big answer to prayer. We had the afternoon free to go hiking, play games, whatever. I spent most of it taking a nap and trying to rest up for the remainder of the conference. I had to run all the technical aspects of the meetings, which took up most of my free time between meetings.

The talk on Saturday night was "being children of the light." Mostly, how do we, as Christians, live out our lives in Christ? Greg brought it from the Word, talking about living in the power of the Spirit, and in faith. It is something that we always have to return to and be reminded of constantly.

I had the opportunity during our time there to speak with Greg about a lot of things concerning our ministry here in Kosice; how we feel like nothing is working, how I feel overwhelmed and inadequate to lead this team, the hard soil in Slovakia, changing culture. It was good to hear a new perspective on it all and realize that I'm not an absolute failure. But one thing that Greg did remind me of is that we are not alone in this fight. We are not even fighting a battle of our own effort. We are fighting a spiritual battle:

"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." I must constantly remember this while I'm here; I'm laboring against an unseen enemy, through the power of the Spirit. It's REALLY hard to do it, but I'm trying.

Also, one of the hopes that I continually must tell myself is that one day I will get to see how this year fit into the the Lord's plans of salvation for His chosen people. My prayer is that God would somehow use my efforts to bring people into His Kingdom. I'm not seeing the fruit now, but one day Jesus will tell me "well done good and faithful servant." That will all be worth it.

On Wednesday Kelly, Biba, and I are traveling to Budapest to meet with Doug. He is the country director for all of Slovakia. I'm really excited about getting some more insight into how to reach Slovaks this year and make this year effective. Please pray us.....we need it so badly.

praying for a movement,
Matt

breakthrough

Today was our day with the Lord. If you don't know about it, it is when we, as a team, set aside one day a month to meet with the Lord all day. It is always a welcomed refreshment to just meet with Jesus and not have to think about ministry.

My day was really good. I spent lots of team reading, and stopped to spend some extended time on the be-attitudes in Matthew 5. I'm thinking I should spend a whole lot of time on them. So later in the day I was walking out of my flat to go read some more in Matthew.

I just needed to read the Gospel. It always gives me hope and refreshes me.

As I'm walking out the door I look over at the guys who are working on the building directly next to our flat...and realize that they are still working at 5:30pm. Now my first thought is, "Dude, it's quitin' time; go home."

Then it hits me.....I'm working, too. Seriously?

Yeah, seriously. Meeting with God and reading His word is in my job description. My time with God is counted towards my "working" hours. How stinkin' sweet is that?! You really can't beat that...not even with a five foot stick.

Even though it's hard, it's such a sweet job.

Life is hard no matter where you go, God just calls us to trust Him through whatever it is.